Once upon a time, I was an extremely depressed, burned out college graduate. I had just moved into my first apartment in a suburb outside of Boston. I wanted to be within driving distance of my New England friends and wider support network, and eventually continue going to school and enter the workforce. My partner, Kit, was still in LA and going to join me in a month and a half. It was my first time living Actually Alone. I needed to find an emotional support cat ASAP.
After a week of searching online listings and local shelters, I found Bigby (named “Buddy Bear” at the time) on petfinder. He was one of the most gorgeous cats I'd ever seen, an enormous guy with long, gray and silver fur and green eyes. He looked like a magical beast! He was 5-6 years old, and he was rescued from the streets of Braintree. He was described as sweet, snuggly, good with other animals, and that he enjoyed lounging and eating. I fell in love just from looking at the pictures. He was exactly the kind of cat I was looking for.
When I met Bigby a few days later at his foster parents’ apartment, our bond was instantaneous. I went home that night and texted the rescue, saying I wanted to adopt him. 24 hours later, after preparing for his arrival all day, i welcomed him into my sparse apartment that was still missing furniture. He hid under the bed for like 2 seconds before coming out to explore. He plopped down in the kitchen, like he understood this was all for him, that he was home. That’s when i really started to feel like the apartment was *my* home, too.
We chilled together on the floor for a while, before I went to bed. He joined me, immediately laying down at my feet. The first thing I saw when I woke up the next morning was him snoozing nearby, lying flat on his back, SO cozy and trusting. I was beyond touched that he liked me and felt safe with me so immediately. Within the first few days, we were meowing back and forth at each other, and he was snuggling with me in bed and on the couch, kneading my sides and purring up a storm. It was like we were long lost friends that finally reunited. I was so happy to be family to this incredibly sweet guy.
It was easy to goof off with him, and develop plenty of Bigby-related memes and household jokes. We loved to learn his different purrs, listen to his big raspy meows, and slow blink back and forth at each other. He’d knead whenever was in front of him whenever he was especially happy to be with us, whether it was the couch or the bedsheets. he’d hold my hand in place so I could scratch his chest or chin. My favorite was when he would fall asleep pressed up against me or Kit, a near-daily occurrence. He was top-tier company, especially when he’d curl up into funny poses in his sleep and snore like a grown ass man.
Bigby was loved by everyone who witnessed his beauty and vibes (even strangers in vet offices). He was very social, and actively sought me and kit out to hang out with us. It was not unusual for Bigby to follow us around the house, giving his opinions or asking for attention. He even loved to host guests, and would often chill on the floor nearby or on the couch with us. He also loved food, as advertised. Enough to steal human food, sometimes. (famously, he tried to lady-and-the-tramp eating a hamburger multiple times)
Bigby has had many animal friends. When we brought Oz home as a puppy in late 2014, he and Bigby became best friends and brothers so fast. Oz learned a lot about life from Bigby, and loved to spend time with him and play. We would all sleep in bed together, Oz and Bigby either sandwiched between us or with Bigby along Kit’s or my side. We also eventually lived with a friend and their cats for a couple years in MA. Despite Bigby’s difficulty entering a preexisting dynamic at first, he eventually made peace with Selene and Leo, and the three of them would hang out a lot.
Years later, when we were living in LA again, Toast joined the household after she was effectively abandoned by a neighbor. Bigby was upset at first, worried that he wasn’t The Baby anymore after being the only cat for several years… but we were able to learn from our mistakes from introducing him to Selene and Leo, and set them up for success. As a result, he and Toast had a ton of smooth, low-intensity interactions at first. They became close pals within a month of us bringing Toast inside, much faster than we thought they would. It was so heartwarming to watch the animals learn from each other, and gradually hang out and snuggle together more. Bigby played a big part in Toast and Oz learning how to communicate with each other over the years, and helped smooth out a lot of their interactions. Kit and I loved hanging out in bed or on the couch with all three of them at once.
Bigby was the perfect emotional support animal for me and Kit. He joined our family during some difficult years, when our lives didn’t turn out how we expected them to. He was who i would seek comfort from when my childhood pets died, when I struggled with family and my various relationships, whenever work sucked, whenever I struggled to talk to people, whenever I was at my worst and hated myself the most. He was always sensitive to our moods, and made sure to seek us out for a snuggle and a chat. No matter what was going on, Bigby was always there for me to hang out with and cry into, nonjudgmental, reaching out to me with his paws, nuzzling my face and grooming my hair, purring like a motorcycle, slow-blinking at me. He was always able to cheer me and Kit up so quickly, he was such a sweet and funny little-huge guy.
Once covid hit, Kit and I spent basically all day every day with Bigby, Oz, and eventually Toast. Bigby usually chilled with us and Oz on the couch, napped in bed in a sunbeam, or snuggled next to us while we slept. I'd often wake up to him sleeping next to me. As much as Kit and I hated the experience of being trapped at home for so long, we love that we got to spend most of the past 5 years hanging with the pets every day. I was able to handle so much intense shit and grow in ways I needed to because I felt so safe at home with this family we built together. Everything felt survivable because any time I wanted, I could put my face in Bigby's fur and he’d purr my troubles away.
[content warning: pet illness and death, medical details in this section]
In his later years, Bigby gradually developed a number of chronic conditions. We were able to manage the thyroid and kidney problems with meds for years. Eventually we discovered that he had hyperparathyroidism (which is rare in cats), and needed surgery to get it removed. This made him feel a LOT better, and bought us another year and a half with him. Eventually, he developed heart problems (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy), arthritis, and muscle wasting in his back legs. My main job around the house became taxiing him around, making sure he ate and drank water, and didn’t jump around and hurt himself. (He eventually learned that he could harass me in the middle of the night to get up and feed him, and I'd fend off my eating disorder by having a middle-of-the-night snack at the same time) During the day, we’d often find him hanging out in one of his favorite places (on the couch, inside the scratching post I got when I first brought him home, or in bed with Oz and/or Toast). Whenever he realized Kit and/or I were awake, he’d march over to say hi. He still followed us from room to room and hang out with us. He was always chatty and in good spirits.
In recent months, it started to feel like Bigby didn’t have much longer with us. His behavior was changing. He wasn’t as interested in food, he was weaker and sleeping a lot more, and he was more insistent about cuddling with me and/or Kit as much as he could. For the last 3-5 months, he slept in bed between us every night. He played it cool, but he didn’t try to mask his frailty anymore. Sometimes he’d bounce back when we got him subcutaneous fluids at the vet, but he was clearly getting worse. We couldn’t adequately diagnose and treat his worsening GI problems because it was risky to put him under anesthesia (since his heart was ALSO getting worse). meds weren’t helping, or sometimes actively hurt him. We started emotionally preparing for the worst.
At the end of February, after he had a scary health episode and we took him to the emergency vet, we came to the conclusion that that putting him through more medical procedures and hospitalizations would be agonizing for him, and he might die in the hospital. He was weak and so scared, unlike how we've seen him before. Even reading his blood pressure and having blood-drawn seemed so painful for him. We just wanted him to be comfortable for the rest of his time with us, so we opted for supportive care, to give him some time with us before arranging for at-home euthanasia. It was earth-shattering to realize we didn’t have more than a week left with him.
We spent that last week celebrating him, having friends and family over, kissing his little head, petting and snuggling him, brushing him, and taking pictures. We rarely left the house unless someone could stay with him. His decline accelerated every day, and he needed our help more than ever to eat, drink, and use the litter box. Bigby still acted like himself, even though he was clearly diminished. It wasn’t until the last couple days of his life when he fully couldn’t walk, and lost the ability to purr and meow. He still found ways to communicate his needs to us, wiggling his legs to ask for the litter box and licking his lips when he wanted food or water. Oz kept constant vigil, comforting him, and Toast checked up on us often.
Bigby was so weak in the end, but seemed peaceful, and content to spend the rest of his life cuddling in bed between us. He would still lift his head when we entered the room, grip our hands as we cried, and weakly give his trademark headbutts. On our last day with Bigby, we spent all day with him, tearfully preparing to say goodbye, comforting him, telling stories and telling him how much we loved him, thanking him for loving us. The morning of the at-home vet appointment, he could barely move. He just pushed his head into my arm or Kit’s hand and held it there, nuzzling with what was left of his strength. We spent that last couple of hours with him, comforting each other while we still could. He was barely holding on by the time the vet arrived. He passed away peacefully March 6 2025, before he could suffer any more.
I struggled with writing this all month. There are no words to adequately describe the agony we have been in since his passing. We all miss him SO much. It’s extremely hard to go through the house and glance at all his favorite spots, looking for him, only to remember he’s gone. To realize that we can’t seek out comfort from him anymore. I have sobbed and cried more than I ever have in my life, often trading off crying spells with kit. I feel like I lost a piece of my soul. I’m glad that he’s not suffering anymore, but i hate how it all ended, how fast it all happened and the pain he was in.
Looking back on all the photos and videos of Bigby, it’s clear how happy he was, how much he loved being part of our family. How, even in his last moments, there was nowhere he’d rather be than with us. I struggle under the weight of his love, of realizing *just* how much he loved being with us, how he fought to stay, even as he gradually lost all of his ability to function and perceive. I wish I could see myself the way Bigby saw me. I wish I could re-do that last week with him, knowing everything I know now. I wish that somehow I could have spent more time with him. Even getting to spend another hundred years with Bigby would not be enough time. I'll forever be grateful to him for the impact he had on our lives. It was a tremendous gift to spend the last ten years with him.
Bigby Wolf the Cat, buddy, baby man, my guy, my precious little dude, mr chicken man, mr huge old man, medical marvel of many nicknames… You were literally one of a kind, a dream come true. Everything i could have asked for and more. I’m better off because you loved me. We all are. Kit, Oz, Toast, and I miss you so much. All of your friends, family, and fans worldwide miss you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your memory will always be a blessing. Rest in peace. We love you forever.